Parents hold the primary responsibility for directing their children's upbringing and education. Courts have recognized this for more than a century, and the U.S. Supreme Court recently reaffirmed it in Mahmoud v. Taylor, ruling that public schools cannot bypass parents when classroom material conflicts with a family's religious beliefs. And in Mirabelli v. Bonta, the High Court again recognized that “parents—not the State—have primary authority with respect to the ‘upbringing and education of children.’”
That principle describes work the church already believes belongs to families. Parents are charged with raising their children in the faith, and much of that happens through ordinary life and conversation at home. But when a school introduces material on identity, sexuality, gender, or other important issues without telling parents, it makes that work harder, and parents often do not find out until afterward.
Pastors do not need to become legal experts to help. You can serve parents and families by recognizing the situation, understanding what a parent can reasonably ask, and knowing where to send them if they do need legal help.
Here are three situations that families may encounter at schools:
Parents have a legal right to know what their children are being taught, though the specifics of how that works vary. State law and district policy determine how much notice parents receive and how easily they can review materials or opt out. Many states provide notice and opt-out rights for health or sex education. Outside those subjects, access varies widely, and some districts have adopted policies that make reviewing curriculum or opting out more difficult.
The result is that parents sometimes learn about a lesson only after their child has already sat through it.
Roaring Fork Schools in Colorado is a recent example. In May 2023, the district adopted a comprehensive sexuality education curriculum called the 3Rs.
The curriculum begins in kindergarten, where five-year-olds are taught explicit anatomical terms using a graphic slide presentation—even though the lesson plan itself recognizes that teaching detailed anatomical terms “might be controversial at this grade level." Yet teachers are directed to show even more detailed anatomical drawings from a book that parents are not shown. Ideologically driven instruction continues through every grade, reaching topics like “gender identity” and sexual orientation. Third graders create a “family pride flag,” and sixth graders are asked to become “Sex-Ed Sleuths,” researching sexual-education websites online—with no mention of parental involvement until after the research is complete.
Some parents raised concerns before the school board adopted the curriculum. The board dismissed the objections as “sensational comments,” then assured parents it had approved the curriculum with the expectation that a clear opt-out system would be put in place.
That system did not work as promised. The district requires only two weeks' notice before a lesson, and some parents did not receive even that. Notice went out as a form in take-home folders and as a digital copy, often buried among other school announcements. In several cases, it was generically labeled “health education,” leaving parents with no real indication of what the lessons actually covered. Opt-out requests were not always honored. One mother emailed her opt-out at the beginning of the school year and again as the lessons approached. Her son sat through the entire curriculum anyway.
Alliance Defending Freedom sent the district a letter in August 2026 asking it to drop the curriculum or, at a minimum, switch to an opt-in system with clear advance notice.
Roaring Fork is not alone. The 3Rs curriculum has been adapted for use in more than 500 school districts across at least 13 states, reaching millions of young people nationwide.
What can a parent do? Submit a written request at the start of each school year to review the materials used in their child's classroom and ask for ongoing notice, since the curriculum can change mid-year.
A social transition is when a child is treated as the opposite sex, with a different name and biologically inaccurate pronouns. Some school districts socially transition children without telling their parents or obtaining their consent—actively deceiving them about their child’s well-being. Staff use the new name and inaccurate pronouns with the student and among other students and colleagues, but use the child's given name and correct pronouns when speaking with their parents.
Parents in this position often sense something is wrong without being able to name it. Children struggling with their “gender identity” often grow more anxious, withdrawn, and sometimes resist going to school. Many times, parents ask the school what is wrong and whether their child is struggling, and are told everything is fine.
Jennifer Vitsaxaki lived this. She saw that her young daughter was struggling and was working with school staff in Skaneateles, New York, to ensure her daughter’s success. She met with the guidance counselor and the school psychologist about her daughter’s struggles and asked the staff more than once whether she was being bullied and if there was anything else going on. They told her no.
But that was not true. The school had already begun treating her daughter as a boy. For months, staff were calling her by a masculine name and “they/them” pronouns at school and by her given name and accurate pronouns when they spoke to Jennifer, documented in a written “gender support plan” that specified which name and pronouns to use with whom.
Secret social transitions harm children and often put them on a pathway toward harmful drugs and dangerous surgeries. Most children who experience gender dysphoria will grow out of it naturally, but those rates collapse once a social transition begins. What can follow includes puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and surgeries that permanently damage a healthy body.
That path was not hypothetical for Jennifer's daughter. The school social worker started an LGBTQ club at lunch, encouraged her to attend, and gave the twelve-year-old contact information for “cross hormone providers” and “surgeons,” along with information on where to obtain breast binders. Jennifer knew nothing about any of this.
Parental rights are natural rights, given by God to parents to raise and direct their own children. When a school facilitates and then hides a child’s social transition from parents, it puts itself in the place of a mother and father. Parents—not schools—are the primary decision-makers for their children’s upbringing and education. Children are a heritage from the Lord, entrusted to parents, and no institution has the right to drive a wedge between them.
What can a parent do? Put it in writing. Parents may request that their child not be socially transitioned at school, that their child be treated consistently with their biological sex, and that any change related to name or pronouns require parental consent.
Some schools administer surveys that ask students about sexuality and “gender identity,” mental health, and thoughts of self-harm, political and religious beliefs, or other deeply personal matters, sometimes without first obtaining required parental consent. Federal law requires schools to notify parents and obtain consent before asking certain sensitive questions, yet parents are not always made aware. These surveys are often digital, making them difficult for parents to review and raising concerns about how responses are stored or shared.
The Protection of Pupil Rights Amendment names eight categories specifically, including a student's political beliefs, mental or psychological problems, sexual behavior or attitudes, critical appraisals of close family members, religious practices and beliefs, legally privileged relationships such as those with lawyers, doctors, and ministers, and income. When a survey touches any of those topics, parents have the right to receive notice, to inspect the survey on request, and to opt their child out. Where a survey is funded by the U.S. Department of Education, the school must obtain written parental consent before a student participates.
In August 2026, the Department of Education told schools that behavioral health screeners probing students' emotional or psychological states fall under those protections and cannot be administered without prior written parental consent. The Department noted that many districts are not effectively notifying parents of these rights.
What can a parent do? Request advance notice before any survey is administered, ask to review the questions beforehand, and submit a general opt-out covering surveys along with the rest of their opt-out request.
For more information on equipping the parents in your care, A Pastor's Guide to Parental Rights walks through all three situations, what a parent can request from their school, signs that a family needs legal help, and a sample letter parents can adapt for their own unique circumstances.
Three situations showing up in school districts nationwide, what they look like in practice, and what a parent can do about each.
